Stafford and I have been together since 1971. Although we were both retired, we had always been very active and enjoyed pursuing interests both separately and together. Stafford was a keen bowler and enjoyed vegetable gardening. His main hobby, which he absolutely adored, was kite flying. He was even paid to attend kite festivals to give kite flying demonstrations. Despite being over 80, he remained fit, and we enjoyed a good life together. 

Nobody knows quite how his injury happened. He was 82 and I had gone to bed early, and he came up around 1am. He made it to the top of the stairs, and the next thing we know, he was a crumpled heap at the bottom. We still do not know why or how it happened exactly. 

I heard the crash and panicked, as he was unconscious and not breathing properly. I called 999 and the ambulance arrived very quickly, fortunately. It was immediately obvious that the situation was serious. He was kept in the critical care unit of A&E at Peterborough Hospital; they initially suspected a bleed on the brain. Peterborough felt they couldn’t cope with the extent of his injuries, so he was moved to Addenbrookes Spinal Injury Centre the next day. By this time, we were told he had sustained a spinal injury. He couldn’t move his arms and his memory was very poor in the early stages.

My world collapsed and I was exhausted. My mind raced: ‘What happens next?’... ‘What if he dies?’... ‘What if he survives?’... ‘How will we cope?’...  ‘What’s happened to our life?’

I am 72, and while you sort of expect something catastrophic when your husband is over 80, the abruptness of this was so traumatic. I never imagined that this could happen. 

I cried a lot in the middle of the night but carried on as much as I could. I am an administrator by profession and I deal with things in front of me. I often say, ‘If in doubt, do admin.’ Just focus on the practical and try not to overthink. It was the thinking that made me want to collapse in a small heap, and that wasn’t useful for anyone - it simply was not an option I had.

One of the challenges was that we have no family nearby and no children. Stafford is quite the character, a teller of tall tales and everyone in our community knows him, so people were shocked when they heard the news. Initially, I told a few people, but soon I was inundated with calls. I began writing emails to update people, as I couldn’t cope with the constant inquiries about how he was doing. People always say, ‘Let us know if there is anything we can do to help,’ but I remember thinking, ‘There is nothing anyone can do.’

I have always been the person on the other side - the one helping others through difficult times. This experience made me realise that having people continuously calling to check in is not always helpful; repeating the situation over and over does not make it easier. Although everyone did rally around us and supported us as much as possible, reliving it all, while it was still raw, became a trauma in itself for me. 

Experience with Aspire

Just before Stafford left Addenbrookes for Leicester Royal, I managed to arrange for a psychologist to see him, as I was worried he was shutting down. She was very helpful, but two days later we moved hospitals. We exchanged emails, and I had told her that he was now in a bay with six people, all facing each other, with a single television at the end of the ward. Stafford was in a halo brace and could only face forward, with no function in his arms. He could not see the television at all, he was just sitting there and there was nothing anybody could do to improve the situation. He couldn’t even read a book because of his injuries.

I mentioned this to the psychologist, who suggested I contact Aspire. I was put in touch with Alison, an Aspire Assistive Technologist, who was just as kind and helpful as the Welfare Benefits team. We communicated via phone and email and she assisted me in finding and setting up equipment and answering all my techy questions.

When speaking to Alison, I wasn’t thinking about possible benefits at that point. I had done some research regarding Attendance Allowance (AA) and knew it couldn’t be claimed until six months after the accident and Stafford was still in hospital. It was only as his discharge approached that I realised I needed to get this sorted.

I am comfortable with forms, but the AA forms are very difficult because of their repetitiveness and terminology. Having applied for AA in the past for my father, I wanted some support this time. I believe it was my Back Up mentor who suggested I speak to the Aspire Welfare Benefits Advice team. I had no concerns about contacting another team, given that my experience with Assistive Technology had been so excellent.

I immediately contacted them via email and the process was very straightforward. I was asked for our details, and an appointment was scheduled with Colleen to complete the AA form in the time I had to return it.  

Welfare Benefits Advice

I was happy to let Colleen take the lead, as it was clear she understood exactly what to do. I provided the information, and she was able to phrase and complete the form correctly based on our conversations. I was amazed by how much time was given to me and how patient she was. It took a long time to go through the form, but I didn’t feel rushed. You sent me the completed form the same day - I honestly couldn’t believe how efficient it was! After that, it was simply a matter of checking it and sending it off to the DWP. 

I deal with practical matters well, but not necessarily with the emotional side. Making this a clear and practical exercise was extremely useful for me. The process worked brilliantly and relieved so much stress for me.

Had Aspire not been available to help, I would have looked for assistance or resources elsewhere, because I knew how difficult the form was and how important it was to get it right. Having gone through the process with Colleen, I’m almost certain it wouldn’t have been as thorough, relevant or efficient. I would have completed some sections differently had they not explained what needed to be headlined and why. 

One thing is certain: had I done it myself, it would’ve taken days, maybe weeks. I would have gone over it repeatedly, worrying that I had missed something. I did not have to go through that stress because of your help. Your knowledge of spinal cord injury was clear and the pressure that’s lifted when someone fully understands makes an enormous psychological difference.

Attendance Allowance has been a real help in meeting the additional costs we have. It gives some flexibility. It covers Stafford’s daily care visits and private physiotherapy, as NHS waiting times are extremely long. The extra money makes a difference to our lives and we are really very grateful.   

I found the form overwhelming and I have an administrative background. I cannot imagine how daunting it must be for someone with no experience or limited technological skills.

People of mine and Stafford’s age were never brought up working with these systems. I do not know how some people manage now. The service was wonderful in helping with that aspect as well. They do essential work. I think it’s a wonderful service and I’m extremely grateful. 

Welfare Benefits Advice

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