My spinal cord injury didn’t happen like most people’s.  It wasn’t an accident, sporting injury or a medical procedure gone wrong - mine was due to trying to die by suicide.  I’m always very open about my life and history, more so now than ever because I think it’s important to talk about these things and spread awareness.  I feel like if one person reads my story and it helps them, or if a family member or friend of someone who is struggling reads this and it helps them, then I’ll be happy with that.

I spent five months in Wakefield Spinal Injury Centre. I had some much-needed counselling and received lots of support from health care professionals, all trying to improve my mental and physical health.  I remember seeing Pete, Aspire’s Independent Living Advisor, on the ward darting around in his wheelchair with his Batec attached.  From the moment Pete introduced himself we got on.  I was open from the first conversation; I told him my story, and we discussed lots of different topics.  I explained I used to go walking in the Peak District, regularly doing 10-mile walks, so I was really upset I wouldn’t be able to get out and about again.  Pete explained all the outdoors stuff he does and showed me how it can be done. It really helps being able to talk to someone who understands.

I use humour as a way of coping and Pete got this; we would laugh and just got on really well.  It was helpful to have that connection with someone.  I saw him each week so it built up over time and we would talk about anything and everything, as he knows because he lives it. 

Pete gave me advice and information about wheelchairs, equipment, Aspire Grants, Access to Work and welfare benefits. He told me where to find the information I needed and where to find support.  He also shared tips on how he does day to day tasks that I now use.

Pete was so helpful throughout my time in rehab. Sometimes I felt like I didn’t deserve help or treatment because I’d done this to myself, but Pete had such a positive way of talking, he made me see it from a different perspective.  He said, “when it happened you weren’t well, you can’t blame yourself, you deserve support like everyone else.”  After that conversation, I went back to my room and teared up.  We’d made a connection and he’d taken the time and worded it in such a way that it really stuck with me.

My new life

In the days after my injury, I remember thinking “how will I look after myself, how will I get dressed, where will I live?” I had so many questions and was so worried about everything.  Now I can’t believe how far I’ve come. I live independently in a bungalow, doing all my own washing, food prep and self-care.  I do have a cleaner once a week to help with the trickier housework like changing the bed, but I am so proud of how far I have come.

When I was discharged and I saw my dog Kobe for the first time he ran up and jumped into my arms. During one of our first wheel/walks he was running alongside me while I was in my wheelchair with my Triride doing about 20mph and it was an amazing experience!  Having that freedom and enjoying the outdoors was so much fun. He never leaves my side now. 

In the last few months, I’ve started playing wheelchair football and WheelPower have invited me to the spinal games in September so I’m really looking forward to that.  I never used to get involved in clubs or group activities but now I feel part of the SCI community.  I’ve met lots of different, genuine people, we have chats about daily bowel/bladder issues, and everyone tries to help everyone.  I’ve met some fantastic inspirational people.

When I look back at my life, I can see that I am a completely different person now after sustaining my spinal cord injury - physically (obviously) but more so on the mental health side.  I know it might sound like a funny thing to say but – for me - my spinal cord injury saved my life. Having experienced trauma in my younger years and then struggling into adulthood, looking back I can see I didn’t receive the correct help when I really needed it. 

                          

I know that my story is very unusual and my positivity after something so traumatic may seem hard to imagine.  I wish it hadn’t taken this to make me learn self-worth and to not be so hard on myself but now I have a different outlook on life.

I think my message would be to try to access all the support that is available, get help as early as you can. I heard someone say, “concentrate on everything you can do, not on what you can’t do.”  This is what I try to do every day.

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